How to Meet New People Without Being Creepy
Meeting New People Without Being Creepy
1
Learn how to talk to new people.
Having the right demeanor when approaching new people can be immensely
helpful in getting off on the right foot; just because practicing is the
best way to refine a technique doesn’t mean you have to go into it
blindly. Let go of your expectations, ego, and fears, all of which can
prevent a conversation from unfolding organically. Learn to focus on the
other person so that you can drown out your inner nag and stop being
distracted from interesting points of discussion and exploration. Read How to Talk to Strangers for more insights.
2
Become a good conversationalist.
Awkward silences can very easily turn into creepiness. So can your
babbling on and on about your mother, your cat, or your collection of
bugs. A good conversationalist keeps finding things they have in common,
and they do it in a casual, non-intrusive way. For example, there's a
difference between asking someone "Have you ever held a tarantula?" and
saying "Have you ever felt the tiny hairs of a tarantula's legs brush up
against the palm of your hand?" The latter is more poetic, but way too intimate for a first conversation for most people (and this article presumes you want to learn how to deal with most people, not that tiny minority who's just as quirky and offbeat as you are and will most certainly appreciate your candor). Learn to start a conversation and keep it flowing in a fun, positive and casual way; read How to Have a Great Conversation for more information.
- It's worth repeating that you should not go on and on about unique hobbies or interests unless the person shares them or asks a lot of questions. If they only ask a few questions, that doesn't necessarily mean they're interested; it probably means they're being polite,
so don't dominate the conversation with your enthusiasm. When first
meeting someone, it's more important to listen to what they have to say
than to talk about yourself.
3
Let go of any neediness you might have.
Neediness is a precursor to obsessiveness, and obsessiveness is creepy.
Needy people are imbalanced and unstable because their happiness hinges
too greatly on someone else. If you're projecting a vibe that you'll be
devastated if a person doesn't want to be your friend or romantic
partner, it's time to slow down, be patient, and examine yourself. Read How to Stop Being Needy for more information.
4
Respect boundaries.
Think of any kind of relationship as a video game. You start off at the
easiest level, and as time goes on and you improve, you go to more
difficult levels and achieve a greater sense of satisfaction. When you
first meet someone, you're on level 1, and you're not supposed to
proceed to level 2 until you get past level 1, and so on. People who
come off as creepy tend to accidentally skip to level 15. There are a
variety of ways in which they do this:
- Staring. Extended, direct eye contact is something lovers
usually do. It's something you can do if the person you're talking to is
noticeably romantically interested, but even then it's risky because
the creep factor is high if you're mistaken. Look someone in the eye
while they're talking, but also be sure to pull your gaze away
periodically and shift your interest to other things. And check to make
sure you don't have a tendency of staring at someone's body (chest,
hands, shoes, whatever), even if in admiration or curiosity. In general,
you don't want to make someone feel like they're under a microscope.
- Asking personal questions. What's too personal? It depends.
Your best bet is to pay attention to other people's conversations.
Notice what people feel comfortable talking about when they first meet.
Know which topics to steer clear of: romantic experiences, politics,
religion, illness or disease, and anything dark like murder or death
(this is not the time to explain how the sword you have on your wall was
designed to pierce someone's intestines in a particular way). See How to Come Up with Good Conversation Topics for additional insights.
- Inappropriate invitations. Don't invite someone you’ve just
met into your home or any other private area any more than you would
your basement, a cabin in the woods, an abandoned warehouse, or another
setting where horror movies take place. This kind of invitation shows
that you expect someone to trust you completely, which someone you’ve
just met shouldn't (unless they, too, are creepy). If you're going to
extend an invitation, make it to a public place where there are plenty
of other people.
5
Pay attention to body language.
Ultimately, everybody has different "standards" for creepiness. What's
creepy to one person might be fascinating to another. The only way you
can figure this out on a case-by-case basis is by paying attention to
signals that a person's ready to go to the next level, or you're making
them feel uncomfortable. For example, if someone is looking away a lot,
or toward an exit, or they appear to be turning or edging away from you,
it's probably a sign that they want to end the conversation. It'll take
some practice and attentiveness, but once you get a grip on body
language, you'll start to account for it subconsciously. See How to Read Body Language for more tips.
- You can scare another person away if your own body language is
awkward or uncomfortable (ex. if you lean too close or use dominating
body language), so make sure you know how to look approachable.
6
Be okay with being rejected.
Regardless of how expertly you approach others, some people simply
won’t give you the reaction you were hoping for. Maybe you’re trying to
strike up a conversation with someone who is having a terrible day, is
nervous, would prefer to be alone, or is simply rude. Take it in stride,
turn around, and try again with someone else.
7
Deal with chronic rejection (if necessary).
If people continue to rebuff you despite your best efforts, you might
need to take a different approach. To start, it helps to pinpoint why someone is treating you poorly.
If the “problem” seems to lie with you, you might need to commit to
really changing your behavior. People who get classified as creeps are
often just unapologetically unique. It's easy to feel resentful towards
people for labeling you as creepy just because you're not jumping through the same social hoops as everyone else.
And this feeling might make you resistant towards changing your
behavior. Accept that people judge each other – and sometimes they're
off, but that's the way it goes. It’s all you have to work with, so
don't assume that changing the way you act in order to change people's
perception of you is somehow violating your pledge to be yourself.
If anything, it increases the likelihood that people can get to know
your true self, making your uniqueness shine all the brighter.
Tips
- Don't feel that you must change the way you look or dress. Be
yourself! If you can change the way you interact with people, what you
look like won't matter as much. But the first time you meet someone, it
probably doesn't help if you're dressed in latex or other fetish wear.
- Even when you're not sure how to reply, the occasional "uh-huh" or
nod of the head shows interest and may help the person you are speaking
to relax. Just take care that you don't over do it, or you may come
across as too interested.
- Avoid playing it too cool. There's an image presented in a lot of
media, especially anime and video games, that being standoffish,
mysterious, and quiet is "cool". In real life, however, it's more likely
to come off as creepy
কোন মন্তব্য নেই:
একটি মন্তব্য পোস্ট করুন